Autophobia or fear of being alone


Autophobia or the fear of loneliness is the main cause of addictive relationships. What else is the fear of loneliness dangerous, why does it arise, and how to get rid of the fear of loneliness – let’s figure it out.

Autophobia – what is it

What is also called autophobia: isolophobia or monophobia. What is Autophobia? Autophobia is the fear of being alone. The autophobe becomes bored or scared when alone with himself. He is tormented by terrible memories, obsessive thoughts, a feeling of uselessness and uselessness.

Autophobia makes girls marry a tyrant and endure humiliation or live with an unloved person, just not to be in the status of a loner. Other people constantly go to clubs, cafes and other institutions, just not for a minute to be alone with themselves, their thoughts. Still others spoil the life of their children, raising them to be dependent and infantile, forever attached to their parents.

Diagnosis and signs of a phobia

What is the name of the fear of loneliness, we found out, now we will deal with its manifestations. The main distinguishing feature of autophobia is anxiety at the mere thought that you will have to spend an evening or a whole day without communication. The autophobe tries to plan every weekend to stay busy, leave home, or gather friends at home.

What else is characteristic of such people:

  • self-doubt;
  • indecision;
  • fear of failure and punishment;
  • obsessive behavior (sometimes scares others away, which only exacerbates the situation);
  • lack of opinion;
  • servility to others in order to be in the company (can endure humiliation, violence or silently follow the crowd, repeat their behavior);
  • manipulations (threats of suicide, pleading, attempts to press on pity);
  • panic attacks in situations that are perceived as a threat of loneliness (parting for a while, an unanswered letter or phone call, etc.);
  • heightened need for attention, proof of feelings on the part of other people (“do you really love me?”, “are you not angry with me?”, “are we still friends?”);
  • the illogicality of the relationship (the autophobe either connects his life with the one who loves him, just not to be alone, or constantly changes partners, creating the illusion of being in demand, closeness, love, fullness of life);
  • constant search for new acquaintances, visiting new public places.

In a relationship, an autophobe harasses a partner with jealousy, suspicion. He is sure that sooner or later he will be abandoned, betrayed. Any action of a partner, which the autophobe regards as a “cold attitude”, reacts with hysteria. A canceled meeting or a forced evening alone with yourself can also end in hysteria. In this case, the patient tries to drown out loneliness with food, alcohol, casual relationships, going to a club, after-hours work or going into virtual reality.

Read also: What is dacryphilia?

Reasons why people are afraid of being alone

Psychotrauma is the main cause of phobia. For example, the child was early excommunicated from his mother, or the parents used rough methods of upbringing: they stealthily ran away from the house and left the child alone, they said “stop crying, otherwise I’ll leave you here.” Or maybe the person experienced the death of a close friend or a painful separation from a loved one. Or a child in childhood was frightened with horror stories, but in adulthood he continues to be afraid.

Why are people afraid of loneliness:

  • emotional coldness of parents (an abandoned child experiences fear and despair, this is carried over into adulthood);
  • unmet needs of the child (for love, attention, affection);
  • punishment in the form of isolation, threats to leave alone;
  • frequent forced being alone (from clients whose parents worked a lot and left their child alone at home, you can hear the phrase “I’m afraid to be alone at home”);
  • overprotective parenting style;
  • manipulations on the part of the parents, more often the mother (“if I die, you will regret that you behaved this way”);
  • rejection among peers;
  • dependence on other people’s opinions, social stereotypes (for example, that marriage and children are an end in itself for a girl, an indicator of wealth);
  • gullibility and personal experience of betrayal;
  • divorce of parents, leaving the family;
  • suspiciousness, fearfulness, suggestibility, superstition (fear of monsters and ghosts, robbers);
  • fear of losing loved ones.

The fear of loneliness is characteristic of people with low self-esteem and complexes. They do not see in themselves an independent unit, an integral personality. Therefore, they try to fill themselves with other people, to dissolve in others.

How to deal with a phobia of loneliness

Autophobia avoid their thoughts, problems, desires. In order to overcome fear, you need to figure out what it is inside yourself that a person does not like. Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants to do in life. Or he does not like his job, but he does not dare to change it. Or he doesn’t see the point in what he is doing. Or he cannot build a personal life, but under the pressure of stereotypes and a natural need for intimacy for a person, he suffers because of this.

The difference between fear of loneliness in women and men

Women’s fear of loneliness is more often associated with marriage (fear of being alone, fear of being abandoned). Despite the idea of ​​gender equality in society, there is still a stereotype that a woman without a husband and children is an inferior woman, unclaimed, flawed. As a result, from childhood, girls develop an attitude that they need to find a certain person, and not become a person, a person. Because of this, girls drop out of their studies and careers, fall into dependent relationships, and suffer from complexes.

The fear of loneliness in men is more often associated with a lack of friends, financial and personal lack of fulfillment, and the absence of children. Men are influenced by the stereotype “build a house, plant a tree, give birth to a son”. As for women, family is important for them, but authority among other men, business partners and being in demand among women is more important.


The goal of psychotherapy is to foster independence, independence. All auto phobes are hostages of relationships. At the beginning of therapy, the psychologist examines the client’s life history, with particular attention to the study of childhood, relationships with parents and between them. The purpose of the diagnosis is to find the primary trauma. Along with this, the individual psychological characteristics of the client, the way of life in the present, manifestations of phobia are studied. Based on the results of a comprehensive diagnosis, a specialist selects a treatment.

What the treatment is aimed at:

  • personality correction, for example, increasing self-confidence, working on self-acceptance (problems that need to be dealt with are determined on an individual basis);
  • changing attitudes towards traumatic experiences;
  • modeling and mastering new patterns of behavior in situations of the present.

A person learns to live in harmony with himself, to use solitude with the benefit of personal development, to be selective in relationships, to appreciate himself.


Hypnotherapy is used in cases where the problem is hidden deep in the subconscious, and with strong psychological blocks of the client. It happens that a person wants to be cured, but he himself interferes with the process. Hypnosis in 5-10 sessions helps to find the root cause and change the attitude towards it.

We get rid of autophobia on our own

The fear of loneliness is a trait of an immature personality. A person lacks self-sufficiency. How not to be afraid of loneliness:

  • turn loneliness into solitude;
  • self-examination – into healthy introspection and self-development;
  • self-dislike is self-acceptance.
  • Now let’s take a closer look at how to overcome the fear of loneliness.

Find the benefits of being alone

Being alone with yourself is dangerous, but rewarding. All people need solitude. This is an integral part of mental health, harmony. Solitude helps to look deep into yourself, to hear your subconscious, your true Self. Why is it dangerous? Because the ghosts of the past are flying out. And someone realizes that all the time he lived according to someone else’s scenario. I chose the wrong profession, the wrong hobby, the wrong circle of friends. That is why it is sickening to be alone with yourself. Behind superficial chatter or daily bustle, a pile of work, you do not notice this.

The advantage of loneliness is that it gives you the opportunity to understand yourself, make a plan for self-development. If you want to get rid of fear, then you have to honestly talk to yourself and understand what you do not accept in yourself. Solitude is freedom. You can do what you love, plan the future, and relax.

Read also: Hanahaki Disease Secrets & Cure: Is it Real?

Find internal resources

Start keeping a personal journal. Write down your desires and goals, plans, share your emotions from the past day. Then you can reread what you wrote a week or a month ago. It helps in self-observation and introspection. Track your development, unleash your potential. Find love, support, material and social independence within yourself. Then you will not need other people, and solitude will not be torture.

Monitor anxiety

Master the methods of relaxation, meditation, breathing exercises, yoga. Or find your personal tranquility secret. Someone is helped by drawing, someone is composing poetry, someone is taking a bath with aroma candles, listening to music, cooking or sewing. Why don’t you indulge in a restaurant-like dining experience?

Psychology of fear in women

Why are women afraid that they will be abandoned, that they will lose a loved one or not get married? Complexes and social stereotypes are to blame. How to deal with the fear of loneliness in women? We have prepared some practical tips on how to stop being afraid of female loneliness.

Look at the problem adequately

The need for love is inherent in every person. If you are worried about problems in your personal life, then admit: “I’m afraid of loneliness in my personal life (I’m afraid to be alone or not get married).” But instead of grieving, humiliating yourself and looking for someone who “picks up” you, think about how to love yourself and whom you want to see next to you. As soon as you learn to respect yourself and understand where you need to look for a partner, what qualities he should have, and what you will never tolerate, then your personal life will immediately go up.

Forget about age

Age is not an indicator of personality development or external beauty. At 40, you can have a better body than 20-year-old girls. You just need to go in for sports, eat right and do not forget about the care cosmetics. But not every woman can gain wisdom, turn the passed stage into experience and knowledge. And building relationships after 30-40 is not a shame, but on the contrary is quite justified. Now you know exactly what you want and for sure have already taken place as a professional, a person.

Identify what you are afraid of when alone

What really worries you? Loss of attention, compliments, care or lack of financial support, loss of social status? Or something else?

Dose communication with married girlfriends

Your social circle should match your interests. Chatting among married girlfriends will only increase anxiety and fears. It is better to communicate with those who are interested in finding a man, going to the theater or to a concert. Or with those who are not at all worried about marriage and children, but instead are passionate about a career or “burning” with some kind of hobby.

Don’t get hung up on the opinions of others

Most people around you don’t care about you. And those who care will always find a reason for gossip. Not married – no one needs it. She got married and got divorced, or her husband cheated – it’s her own fault. No children are the punishment for sins. There are children – stop sitting at home, go to work. Understand that people gossip and follow other people’s lives because they don’t have a life of their own. Because they are also afraid of loneliness, unhappy.

What does neglected autophobia lead to?

Autophobia ranks first among phobias in terms of suicide risk. The need for a significant friend, self-actualization, respect and self-respect, recognition are the highest needs of the individual. Alone with himself, a person can develop, for example, engage in creativity, but other people are still needed to recognize his works. And without communication, this is unlikely to work. The fear of loneliness is dangerous by the development of depression, existential and personal crisis.

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